The Life Cycle of Decisions
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A Lifetime of Decisions
Our existence consists of a lifetime of decisions - big ones, unimportant ones, monumental ones, good, erroneous, whatever. They effect our concept of self, our vision of relationship, our definition of man and woman, our thinking about our ability to achieve, find success, experience love and be happy.
But have you ever considered that decisions have a life of their own?
Here’s how that might look —
The EXPERIENCE
Little Tommy wakes up on his birthday, runs into the living room where he finds a new bike with a big red bow - his first two-wheeler! He takes the bike out on the driveway, jumps on, races down the driveway and promptly wipes out as he tries to negotiate his first right turn. As he sits on the curb with scrapes and bruises from his fall, what might he have decided?
Image by Pixabay165106
Our early decisions effect our concept of self and our vision of relationship.
The DECISION
What if he decided “Why do I even try? I’m just no good at anything?! Time goes on, he heals and has the occasion to try something else new - roller skates! How do you think his experience might go? Will he be confident, willing to jump into a new activity or might he hesitate and assume he will fail? As his life continues he will face other similar experiences and over time so these decisions may repeat over and over again to become part of his belief system about who he is and what life is about. “I can’t handle new life experiences.”
(Illustration designed by Skip Swies and Allyn Nay for Global Relationship Centers in 1993)
The BELIEF
Here’s how it looks. You have an experience and make a decision about who you are and your relationship in the world. You continue to experience life and if you have similar experiences, you actually look for proof for those earlier decisions. That proof will form the basis of a belief about your very being to the point that you expect the negative outcome to happen anytime you experience something similar. Your unconscious will begin to arrange your circumstances to fit your belief system.
The EXPECTATION
Ever felt like you were dating the same guy over and over again? Maybe you think others in your company are always getting promoted over you. If you grew up in a family of violence and chaos, it would make sense that your vision of what family should be might be negative and something you unconsciously resist.
So are we doomed - each of us fated to follow a particular destiny because of our early decisions that become unproductive beliefs? The answer is - not unless we want it to!
It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
-Epictetus
CHANGING THE CYCLE
There are beliefs that serve us. That one we learn young about not getting too close to fire is a good one. But how about Tommy and his belief is not capable when facing new tasks/experiences? His lack of confidence and his likely hesitation may even sabotage his efforts. He may, unfortunately and unconsciously, go through life avoiding new tasks and experiences that could bring him great joy and success because he assumes he will fail before he even tries.
Now we all know failure and disappointment are part of life but so are happiness and success. In “The Dance," Garth Brooks reminds us “I could have missed the pain but I’d have had to miss the Dance.” A little risk and conscious decisions can change our lives.
Conscious decisions?! It means questioning that little negative voice in your head. It means becoming aware of those knee-jerk decisions. It means asking yourself (whenever practical) ‘is this decision truly in your best interest?’
Most of all it means trusting yourself to handle the disappointment and mistakes that inevitably happen to us all without having it define us as a person. Detaching from the result is critical. Learning from the result is just as important.
What if Tommy racing down the driveway on his new bike had the advantage of maturity and self-reflection? When he sat in a bruised heap at the end of the driveway, what if instead of saying to himself, “Man, that was scary, I’m not good enough to handle new stuff like this. I better not ever try anything risky again!” Tommy chuckled to himself and said, “Wow what a ride! Looks like I need some practice and I definitely need to slow down. Maybe Dad can help me try this again.”
With some conscious practice, anyone can identify and change their belief structures. By keeping the beliefs that serve you and changing the unproductive beliefs you hold, you can focus on creating the life you want!
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Recommended further reading:
A foundational book of the personal growth movement of the 70s & 80s, the principles still hold true today. Written by a friend and mentor, Bill Riedler, this book, although written decades ago, will give an understanding of how we are in charge of our lives and decisions.
