What to Expect when You Hire A Life Coach Online

Can you really find someone to provide effective life coaching services online?

Unsplash photo by Chris Montgomery

Have you ever wished for someone you can talk to - someone you’re NOT related to; a detached, neutral, yet empathetic stranger; someone not invested in the outcome except that they want you happy and your goals achieved.

I just described a life coach. Someone who will listen. Someone who has no history with you but who is willing to coach you past your past, help you set goals and hold you accountable. Someone that might offer a different view without judging you. A person totally invested in your happiness by taking your life more seriously than you do!

Characteristics of a Life Coach

Once you decide to see a life coach, you must choose which one. It may seem like a daunting task. Fortunately this is one case when going online may be helpful. You can search for a life coach that works for you.

If gender is important, add that to your search. Maybe lifestyle or areas of concentration (e.g. couples, goal-setting, trauma, etc.) is important, add that to your search.

But I want to caution you here. Don’t stereotype your image of the life coach you want too much. It may exclude wonderfully insightful people who will have great feedback and empathy for you.

If you’ve had a bad breakup with your boyfriend, it may feel natural to seek a female coach to help you through this traumatic time. But sometimes a male coach could give you thoughts “from a male perspective” in a way a female counselor may not be able to do.

The choice is always yours, of course, and your sense of safety is of utmost importance but I do encourage you to consider ALL options and to guard against eliminating options out of hand. My husband, Skip, for example, has worked with hundreds of clients over the years and is one of the most empathetic men I know.

Skills to consider

What other skills/traits should be considered when choosing a life coach?

Experience and/or specialties are important things to consider. Many coaches/counselors have a particular area of expertise - addiction, marriage, childhood trauma and so on. If you have a specific issue or concern you want to work on, then you may want to narrow your search to coaches that specialize in that area.

Many years ago, a moment of clumsiness resulted in a personal accident and, by chance, activated a childhood trauma for a client of ours. We helped her deal with the experience and what its resurfacing meant in her present and she was able to integrate the episode, acknowledge the lessons learned and let go of it effectively. It didn’t happen quite as quickly as my description makes it sound but within a couple months she felt like she was no longer a victim of her memory. It was most freeing.

Location

One of the greatest advantages of life coaching online is that you can choose someone you think will provide the right rapport to be the best coach to help you get the results you want.

The lack of concern about location is a real plus. For rural clients, it may mean you don’t have to see your cousin’s friend’s sister (unless she is a great match) if you don’t want. For big city clients, it may mean you don’t have to invest an afternoon each week of fighting traffic roundtrip, finding a place to park, sitting in a waiting room and investing 4 hours for a one hour appointment.

Instead you get your coffee ready, sit down at your laptop a few minutes before your appointment, in your fuzzy slippers if you want, and see our smiling faces on your screen. “What was great about your week?” or “What do you want to change about your life today?” And your coach could be 2000 miles away in a different time zone!

Now what?!

OK. You’ve decided you want to see a life coach. Wonderful!

You decided to keep an open mind about choosing a counselor and realize that location is not a critical element of your decision. Good idea!

Use your search engine and browse life coach choices. Many coaches provide an introductory session at low or no cost so you can both gauge whether you complement each other. Most will have bios included online as well. This will help you learn about special skills, length of experience, coaching style, etc. Valuable information in these biographies. You can often find out about session costs to help you make financial decisions.

In conclusion

If you have decided to talk to a life coach, I applaud you. Working through life’s obstacles is key to each of us reaching our most joyful potential and being the best version of ourselves we can be.

I hope you have found this post beneficial. If you have any questions about this post or finding yourself a coach, let me know - I’ll be happy to help. Email swieslifecoaching@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

If you’d like to make an appointment, please call/text the office 512-589-3422 or email swieslifecoaching@gmail.com

Journal to a Happier Relationship and More Joyful Life

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It’s really a great thing!

When I think of journaling, I used to think of diaries with tiny keys and Hello Kitty appliques. I admit I was not a fan. And notice I said “used to” because I have a discovered a new-found respect for journaling as a beneficial and tangible way to get “stuff” out of your head and make room for new creativity and positive thoughts.

Hello Kitty diary by Amazon

Neuro Linguistic Programming

Journaling is a credible method to clear and organize your thoughts by venturing into Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP deals with the relationship between language and the function of the brain. And while I only have a meager amateur understanding of NLP, it seems to me that journaling is an excellent way to incorporate all of the NLP modes humans use to process life experiences. I do use NLP methods I learned years ago to improve the communication and the sense of connection between my husband and me. I have been very pleased with the positive results I have seen in our relationship so why not journaling?

People process their life events through the NLP modes of visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), and kinesthetic (physical) methods in some order of prominence. Everyone has primary and secondary means but there are advantages to disrupting that order “mixing things up to see events in a new way” kind of thing.

Journaling can get failures, setbacks, negative thoughts out of your head to stop them swirling around in your brain and spinning out of control. [Or does that only happen in MY head?]

Brain Dump

Brain Dump (or sometimes Mind Dump) is an exercise to write down as many random, negative thoughts as you may currently have. The reason for the brain dump is to help you release the non-productive messages you are sending to yourself in order to give them less power while freeing up space in your mind for positive thoughts and more creativity.

Both methods require some practice and, like a diet or daily walks, they take a commitment in order for the new habit to take hold. But either or both can be very effective to release the negatives and create the positive. There are basically two responses to a setback - the depressed Eeyore response “I’m no good, I can’t do anything” or the brush yourself off response “Wow that clearly didn’t work! Guess it’s on to Plan B.” And while it’s important to learn from a setback, dwelling on the failure is never helpful. The Mind Dump is a great method to move on.

Journaling in Action

There are an infinite number of methods for journaling so I’ll just cover a few basics.

My new journal

In my new journal, seen above, I take some pages for brain dumping. Phrases, words, experiences - anything negative - I just let it all out! No justifications, no reframing, no silver linings, just dump.

On other pages, I sometimes process through an experience:

• What happened?

• How I felt?

• What could have been done differently?

• What will I change the next time I may encounter something similar?

That method is helpful for me because I hate getting burned twice so understanding the lesson learned is comforting for me.

Cautionary Tales

Since no one ever sees this journal, it is even more important to be very honest in your writings. Don’t document who you can blame for the experience. Own your piece. What did you do that contributed to the problem. That’s where the learning is. If you find someone to blame, it’s hard to do it different the next time. Now, others in the experience do have a part to play and may have made mistakes but that’s for their journal and their lessons to learn.

Negative to Positive

With a little patience, you can get to a place where your journal will become your repository of flubs and failures. The place where you can write it or draw it or collage it and then let it go.

For me it also is a place where I document my future, my vision, my goals. And although I am not much into collage, photographs and colored markers, I have even treasure mapped (a more tactile way to encourage the NLP pathways.

Short-term and long-term goals are listed and broken down into priority and then manageable steps. These steps can then become part of my daily tasks. I can journal about the result after the fact and learn from the successes and failures. The treasure map of making photographic collages of your goals is especially helpful for visual and kinesthetic people.

Whatever method you choose - treasure map, simple lists, or journal entries - let your thoughts flow. Use colors if your prefer, draw sketches if it suits you. You may find that it will begin to relieve some of your stress and will help focus you on your goals. And it’s fun!

Last Minute Thoughts

Use a journal without judgement. It’s a tool for letting go, learning and refocusing. Gathering evidence to prove you’re no good will not accomplish anything. Letting go, learning from mistakes and setting new goals is what it’s all about.

[Special note: I want to just mention that folks who have experienced a deep trauma may require supportive assistance like coaches or counselors trained to be of help in these areas. Healing is the priority and please get in touch if we can be of service to you.]

Coaching

If you’d like some coaching to help you in your journey, please let us know. We’d be honored to walk along with you.

Neuro Linguistic Programming

Interested in further reading on NLP?

Good Reading!

Here’s a good start.

What’s Love got to do with It? Everything!

I am going to write today scientifically (or at least behaviorally) about LOVE - one of the 10 keys for a strong, loving relationship. Why the concept is right there in the title “strong, loving relationship”.

LOVE is an emotion we all know either by our experiencing it or our desire of wanting it in our life. Defining it is something I will leave for scholars. Suffice it to say, LOVE is a bit of magic in our life and something we are all willing to go ‘head over heels’ for if we get the chance.

I am focusing on the romantic love relationship that 2 people create and share - sometimes for a lifetime if they are lucky.

Love is the top of the 10 keys

As important as all the 10 keys are, LOVE may top the list. There are arranged relationships/marriages that may or may not involve LOVE and many of those are happy pairs and successful for decades. But in arranged marriages, some of the other keys may be enhanced, I believe, so that the focus is on the partnership and the importance of mutual respect in order for the team to be successful. Most western relationships rely on emotional attraction.

Pixabay Image by MabelAmber

In a romantic relationship, LOVE is the element that can propel you through the bad times, distant periods and disagreements - large and small. It can make it worth the struggle to keep the relationship intact when pride or revenge or giving up may make a split the easier choice to make. LOVE can carry you through the darkest night into the light of healing.

Falling In and Out of Love

If you can ‘fall’ in LOVE, can you fall out of LOVE? I suppose so but I bet there’s more behind it. I doubt you wake up one morning and suddenly say “Hey, I don’t love you anymore.” There have been times, sometimes for weeks in length, when I didn’t like my husband, Skip, very much. But even during those times of emotional distance, I realized that I had issues surfacing that may have had little to do with Skip. “It’s not you, it’s me!” kind of thing that I was simply taking out on Skip.

Or, there might have been issues Skip was experiencing/avoiding “When you do _____, I feel _____” that I was either too afraid or too angry to deal with directly so I let it fester until the situation was out of control.

In those circumstances - talking is the obvious remedy. Just a simple non- accusatory discussion “Hey Skip, I need to talk to you, is now a good time? The other day you did ______ and I felt _____. And I realized I’ve been getting even with you since then. I'm not going to do that because it isn’t fair to you. Would you be willing to ___________? Great that would help a lot. Hey, you wanna go out for dinner?” Yes I realize that may sound like a fantasy depending upon where your relationship is right now but, trust me, you can honestly get there.

Something Became More Important

Often talking is all that is needed to solve many of the problems of a romantic relationship. We find it best to talk during a neutral instead of a heated argument. [Watch for our post about conflict resolution, if you’d like to learn some new skills.] Remember that LOVE is most important and that conflicts are usually the result that something became more important (SBMI) than LOVE. That something could be many things - ego, revenge, need to defeat the other, forcing a confession, desire to intimidate, etc.

[SBMI is actually one of the best kept secrets of life. Watch for a blog post on it very soon.]

Certainly, the state of the relationship itself can change. One or more of the other 10 keys can be broken or there is abuse in the relationship. The partnership has a boundary of its own. If the break is serious and especially if safety is a concern, your decisions have to be for the immediate safety of both partners. Get safe, get some space, find someone to talk to. While the relationship may survive, it may take some help to figure that out.

Keep Closeness as your Goal

I encourage you to get to basics. Listen to your heart not your ego. Keep closeness as your goal. You’re not there to teach the other a lesson or to “win” the argument. Remember you can only monitor yourself not your partner. With practice, you’ll begin to notice when SBMI comes into play. And while you may need a few new skills to smooth out the peaks and potholes of a relationship, John Lennon may have said it best, “LOVE is all you need.”

Want some help learning those new skills to increase closeness? Need a mediator to get you through a rough patch? It’s what we do! Go over to the appointments page to get started. We’d be honored to talk you through the process.

OK, everybody sing…”All you need is love…”

Have a good one y’all.

Effective, Compassionate Coaching Online? You bet!

You may have decided you’re sick and tired of being sick and tired. Maybe you and your partner have noticed the spark has dimmed and needs to be fanned a little. Maybe a fog has settled in and you just can’t see your vision any longer. A life coach can help individuals and couples get back on track, re-light the spark and lift the fog. But how do you fit the appointment into your already overwhelming weekly schedule?

Our online world provides many opportunities to perform many daily tasks online that we all assumed required face to face visits. My primary doctor even offers online visits these days. It makes sense. Not feeling well, bad weather, finding a babysitter, fighting traffic, arranging time off work, etc. Sometimes going out is a big deal and is face to face really essential?

The online world has been critical for Swies Life Coach for years now. With clients from all over the country, Zoom appointments have made it possible for us to see all these people and be of service to them with less interruption of their daily routine. Whether they are at work or home, instead of jumping in their car and fighting traffic, our clients simply jump online from their favorite chair.

Unsplash photo by Devin Pickell

Sometimes couples prefer separate locations so they feel more freedom to discuss their concerns and often couples will share a screen or sit next to each other on individual laptops - whatever suits them best. It’s all available online.

Online appointments often fit more easily into work schedules as well. We have several clients who spend a lunch break having an appointment with us or before or after work - again saving the stress of travel and parking.

At Swies Life Coach, we have online seminars (see Events for 2024 dates and topics). We are also planning in-person weekend and one-day workshops and are considering a destination weekend later in 2024. How does Taos sound?!

OK, so assuming I have made a valid argument for online coaching. It saves time and stress and opens opportunities for a counselor from anywhere in the country.

But what about the most important part of the relationship between client and coach - the connection. The key ingredient in a coach-client relationship is rapport. Rapport means the client is comfortable sharing heartfelt concerns with the coach and feels connected to the coach because of their counseling style and basic philosophy. If there is no rapport, there cannot be complete trust and the process is likely to be unsuccessful.

Does your coach ask about your counseling goals? Ask why you decided to come to see a coach? Are they interested in you as a person?

Your choice of a coach is yours and yours alone. I encourage you to consider your options based on your initial conversation and your rapport with the coach over geographic location. Suburban and rural clients can have the same variety of coach choices that are available in large cities simply by going online. Let us know if we can be of help. You can call us about scheduling a FREE 30 minute Discovery Appointment.

I wish you the very best on your journey to create more joy in life. Envision your life then create it.