Journal to a Happier Relationship and More Joyful Life
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It’s really a great thing!
When I think of journaling, I used to think of diaries with tiny keys and Hello Kitty appliques. I admit I was not a fan. And notice I said “used to” because I have a discovered a new-found respect for journaling as a beneficial and tangible way to get “stuff” out of your head and make room for new creativity and positive thoughts.
Hello Kitty diary by Amazon
Neuro Linguistic Programming
Journaling is a credible method to clear and organize your thoughts by venturing into Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP deals with the relationship between language and the function of the brain. And while I only have a meager amateur understanding of NLP, it seems to me that journaling is an excellent way to incorporate all of the NLP modes humans use to process life experiences. I do use NLP methods I learned years ago to improve the communication and the sense of connection between my husband and me. I have been very pleased with the positive results I have seen in our relationship so why not journaling?
People process their life events through the NLP modes of visual (seeing), auditory (hearing), and kinesthetic (physical) methods in some order of prominence. Everyone has primary and secondary means but there are advantages to disrupting that order “mixing things up to see events in a new way” kind of thing.
Journaling can get failures, setbacks, negative thoughts out of your head to stop them swirling around in your brain and spinning out of control. [Or does that only happen in MY head?]
Brain Dump
Brain Dump (or sometimes Mind Dump) is an exercise to write down as many random, negative thoughts as you may currently have. The reason for the brain dump is to help you release the non-productive messages you are sending to yourself in order to give them less power while freeing up space in your mind for positive thoughts and more creativity.
Both methods require some practice and, like a diet or daily walks, they take a commitment in order for the new habit to take hold. But either or both can be very effective to release the negatives and create the positive. There are basically two responses to a setback - the depressed Eeyore response “I’m no good, I can’t do anything” or the brush yourself off response “Wow that clearly didn’t work! Guess it’s on to Plan B.” And while it’s important to learn from a setback, dwelling on the failure is never helpful. The Mind Dump is a great method to move on.
Journaling in Action
There are an infinite number of methods for journaling so I’ll just cover a few basics.
My new journal
In my new journal, seen above, I take some pages for brain dumping. Phrases, words, experiences - anything negative - I just let it all out! No justifications, no reframing, no silver linings, just dump.
On other pages, I sometimes process through an experience:
What happened?
How I felt?
What could have been done differently?
What will I change the next time I may encounter something similar?
That method is helpful for me because I hate getting burned twice so understanding the lesson learned is comforting for me.
Cautionary Tales
Since no one ever sees this journal, it is even more important to be very honest in your writings. Don’t document who you can blame for the experience. Own your piece. What did you do that contributed to the problem. That’s where the learning is. If you find someone to blame, it’s hard to do it different the next time. Now, others in the experience do have a part to play and may have made mistakes but that’s for their journal and their lessons to learn.
Negative to Positive
With a little patience, you can get to a place where your journal will become your repository of flubs and failures. The place where you can write it or draw it or collage it and then let it go.
For me it also is a place where I document my future, my vision, my goals. And although I am not much into collage, photographs and colored markers, I have even treasure mapped (a more tactile way to encourage the NLP pathways.
Short-term and long-term goals are listed and broken down into priority and then manageable steps. These steps can then become part of my daily tasks. I can journal about the result after the fact and learn from the successes and failures. The treasure map of making photographic collages of your goals is especially helpful for visual and kinesthetic people.
Whatever method you choose - treasure map, simple lists, or journal entries - let your thoughts flow. Use colors if your prefer, draw sketches if it suits you. You may find that it will begin to relieve some of your stress and will help focus you on your goals. And it’s fun!
Last Minute Thoughts
Use a journal without judgement. It’s a tool for letting go, learning and refocusing. Gathering evidence to prove you’re no good will not accomplish anything. Letting go, learning from mistakes and setting new goals is what it’s all about.
[Special note: I want to just mention that folks who have experienced a deep trauma may require supportive assistance like coaches or counselors trained to be of help in these areas. Healing is the priority and please get in touch if we can be of service to you.]
Coaching
If you’d like some coaching to help you in your journey, please let us know. We’d be honored to walk along with you.
Neuro Linguistic Programming
Interested in further reading on NLP?
Good Reading!
Here’s a good start.