Five Best Ways: Reboot your Relationship
Don’t give up on a relationship when you only need to re-establish the connection
So your relationship is going okay. Maybe you’ve been together for several years, maybe a decade or more. Occasionally, you begin to think you are operating your relationship on automatic. Good morning-breakfast-work-dinner-good night hon-repeat.
Well if you’re looking for a quick fix, I’ve got some ideas on the 5 BEST Ways to Reboot your Relationship!
Unsplash image by Kelly Sikkema
1.Be on the Same Page
To break out of the “relationship on automatic loop”, I suggest you start by making sure you are on the same page.
Set aside a morning for a little walk then stop for some coffee and muffin at the cafe. While you’re enjoying the moment, put down the cells and focus your discussion on your future together. What each of you are dreaming for your lives individually and what you’d like to see for your relationship. (I would hope that this is a discussion you have had to some extent before or there may be big surprises.) And while you’re envisioning your life, get creative about how to blend your dreams and how to best support each other. It may require new ideas you haven’t thought of yet. New places to live, new ideas about how to reach your dreams and maybe even new dreams. Embrace the process and the negotiation and don’t expect to have your whole relationship planned out by the time you’re ready for a refill.
The point is forward-thinking together, not on automatic.
Once the vision is complete - move to Tuscany, start a small business, buy a house - then the process becomes setting up goals and processes to get you there. Being on the same page will be essential to success. Bingo Reboot!
2.Communication
Take time to practice effective ways to ask for what you want and express your concerns. Calmly stating your wants because you are to have wants is important. These are wants not demands remember and not said for the purpose of assuming it’s someone else's responsibility to get your needs met. But you can ask for help, support, feedback, advise to help you get what you want.
On the other side, it’s a great time to reinforce listening skills - empathetic listening and reflective listening - which are techniques to make sure you’re listening to understand and acknowledge the other. A revitalized relationship needs attention on both speaking and listening skills.
(Conflict resolution is also an important part of communication. Skills in this area will be covered in a separate post.)
Our listening skills have suffered as technology takes over more of our world. Put the cell down and really listen. Repeat back what your partner has said for accuracy (also gives your partner a chance to make sure they communicated correctly) and communicate what you believe to be the emotions or the meaning of their words. This is not an opportunity for you to defend, “You should have known I didn’t…” but that you actually understand what the other is trying to communicate. Boom reboot!
3.Date Night Reinvented
Arrange for social time together even if you have to schedule it. Covid kinda put a hold on date nights (or were they gone before that?) but I think it’s time they make a comeback. Set aside the phones (sense a pattern here?) and go to dinner one week, a movie/play the next, a weekend walk along a nice forest trail, sitting on the shore, whatever. Spend times with no distraction to enjoy each other, celebrate the week’s successes, plan next week.
Take turns participating in each other’s preferred activities. Compromise when necessary. Find new activities that can evolve into new experiences for you both. Bring it on Reboot!
4.Increase your Time Together at Home
Do you often spend time at opposite ends of the house? Do you feel more like roommates than a couple? Those two things are likely related. I’m not suggesting you should be joined at the hip and having separate interests (and friends) is completely healthy but make sure it’s not at the exclusion of your time together.
Our favorite is charcuterie night. Easy prep, super simple way to share a dinner then sit on the deck or in the den - just us celebrating us!
You can use this time to check on the progress of the visions from #1 topic of this blog. Talk about whatever comes to mind, enjoy some streaming and celebrate your love. Hooray Reboot!
5.Develop Common Interests
Find ways to be together and be of service at the same time. Helping others is one of the most powerful ways to be more aware of what you have and the feel-good power of service. Find a way to express your love for each other out in the world.
volunteer at an animal shelter
join a team clearing and maintaining trails at a park
plant trees
work for a food pantry
post positive relationship memes
start a relationship support group
Make ripples. Spread the love. It will keep the light shining on yours!
Any one of these ideas will make a difference. All 5 steps will quickly Reboot your Relationship!
Want a little help to jumpstart your reboot? Make an appointment with us. We’d love to work with you!