Should you hire a Certified Couples Coach?
Are you sick and tired of feeling sick and tired?
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Considering hiring a relationship coach?
How’s your relationship? Are you fighting all the time? Thinking of leaving him? Found out she had an affair? Not sure you can make a lifelong commitment? You’re in love but the marriage has stalled? Your mother, brother or best friend say dump ‘em but you’re not sure you want to end it? Consider a certified relationship coach to help you untangle the issues and teach you how to repair the relationship.
At Swies Life Coaching, we focus on building strong, loving relationships - all kinds of relationships.
What’s a “relationship” life coach?
A relationship coach has a unique vantage point to help you and your partner resolve issues and work through tough times. Whether your goal is to repair and improve the relationship or to ease the transition while you both go new directions, a coach can facilitate the process and help each of you heal and move on with considerably less baggage.
So what does a great relationship coach do?
Help you identify your desired outcome
Listen and empathize
Assist you in understanding how you got to this place
Facilitate the healing process
Encourage you to focus on your next step.
“A relationship coach has a unique vantage point to help you and your partner resolve issues and facilitate healing and transitions.”
In turn the client should
Stay curious
Set aside blame and opt for finding new ground
Focus on healing self and learning more about who they are
Be willing to come to the table for open and honest dialogue
Be self-reflective with a vision of their goal for the relationship.
If your goal is to get the coach to side with you or “to win” or if revenge is your highest priority, you’re likely to be disappointed with your experience of working with a relationship coach. And, more importantly, you may be likely to repeat the patterns that got you into that unsatisfying relationship in the first place. To paraphrase, if you don’t understand your history, you’re doomed to repeat it.
“A great life coach is empathetic yet neutral and encourages the client to find their own answers.”
Maybe you’re not in a relationship currently but would like to understand yourself better, move beyond past hurts, gain a clearer perspective about your goals and vision for the future. A life coach can assist you to heal the past, enjoy the present and see future clarity.
OK, so a relationship coach is sounding pretty good to you. Now how do you go about finding one?
Location:
Decide if geographic location is important to you. If face-to-face sessions are a priority to you, obviously you’ll center your search around nearby coaches but include traffic and travel time into your choice. While there are certainly advantages to being able to see a coach in your neighborhood, I advise you to not make location your top priority. Our clientele overwhelmingly choose online sessions and we have clients from all over the country. Zoom provides an excellent experience without the stress of roundtrip traveling, parking, time from work, babysitting, etc. Most coaches (as we do) can accommodate the choice of the client. Online sessions also allow us to see our clients from all over the country,
Gender:
Again this is personal preference and you will need to decide how important it is in your decision. I caution you to consider your choices. Choosing the opposite sex may give you an entirely different perspective. I know Skip is one of the safest men that women could possibly choose (my personal bias is noted) but it is critical whenever a client is dealing with trauma that they feel safe. Keep an open mind about who you choose but most coaches offer some kind or get acquainted session and you take advantage of that. Trust your intuition about the coach. Sometimes you may need to meet with several coaches before making your choice. Bottom line is if gender/sexual orientation is important, by all means, make it a requirement for your short list.
Style:
I don’t mean fashion sense but the style they choose to interact with their clients. Coaches can be highly interactive, action-oriented, empathetic listeners. You might not realize how important this can be but consider “Sally” who grew up in a big family and may have had trouble “being heard”. It probably wouldn’t serve Sally to be with a headstrong talker - big on advice. Focus on a coach whose style will not fight yours and will allow you to internalize the feedback so you can move toward a positive result.
Certification:
A coach should be certified as a coach but might not have a license (like a social worker or psychiatrist). Experience is also important although new coaches in a partnership can suffice. Their bio should include enough info to determine whether they be on the short list.
Most coaches provide free/low-cost phone or in-person sessions so you can assess your compatibility. Ask questions. Will the coach see couples individually as well as together? Are sessions in-person or zoom or combination? Does the coach focus on feedback or just listens? In return your coach will likely be asking about the nature of your relationship concerns and what outcome you are hoping to achieve. Depending on how this initial visit feels to you, you can schedule more appointments, consider other coaches, or think about it for a few days.
A life coach can be an empathetic, independent confidant that can help couples get through hard times and develop new skills to make their relationship stronger or to assist the individuals in separating and moving on in a supportive, positive manner.
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Recommended reading:
This is a practical guide to discovering the secrets of a great marriage. It has helpful ideas and exercises to gain a better understanding of each other’s needs. The Fergusons are directors of Intimate Life Christian Ministries.
Have questions or comments about hiring a life coach?
What to Expect when You Hire A Life Coach Online
Hiring a life coach online can provide someone to listen to your concerns, assist you setting and attaining your life goals, walk beside you as you put your past in the past and more.
Can you really find someone to provide effective life coaching services online?
Unsplash photo by Chris Montgomery
Have you ever wished for someone you can talk to - someone you’re NOT related to; a detached, neutral, yet empathetic stranger; someone not invested in the outcome except that they want you happy and your goals achieved.
I just described a life coach. Someone who will listen. Someone who has no history with you but who is willing to coach you past your past, help you set goals and hold you accountable. Someone that might offer a different view without judging you. A person totally invested in your happiness by taking your life more seriously than you do!
Characteristics of a Life Coach
Once you decide to see a life coach, you must choose which one. It may seem like a daunting task. Fortunately this is one case when going online may be helpful. You can search for a life coach that works for you.
If gender is important, add that to your search. Maybe lifestyle or areas of concentration (e.g. couples, goal-setting, trauma, etc.) is important, add that to your search.
But I want to caution you here. Don’t stereotype your image of the life coach you want too much. It may exclude wonderfully insightful people who will have great feedback and empathy for you.
If you’ve had a bad breakup with your boyfriend, it may feel natural to seek a female coach to help you through this traumatic time. But sometimes a male coach could give you thoughts “from a male perspective” in a way a female counselor may not be able to do.
The choice is always yours, of course, and your sense of safety is of utmost importance but I do encourage you to consider ALL options and to guard against eliminating options out of hand. My husband, Skip, for example, has worked with hundreds of clients over the years and is one of the most empathetic men I know.
Skills to consider
What other skills/traits should be considered when choosing a life coach?
Experience and/or specialties are important things to consider. Many coaches/counselors have a particular area of expertise - addiction, marriage, childhood trauma and so on. If you have a specific issue or concern you want to work on, then you may want to narrow your search to coaches that specialize in that area.
Many years ago, a moment of clumsiness resulted in a personal accident and, by chance, activated a childhood trauma for a client of ours. We helped her deal with the experience and what its resurfacing meant in her present and she was able to integrate the episode, acknowledge the lessons learned and let go of it effectively. It didn’t happen quite as quickly as my description makes it sound but within a couple months she felt like she was no longer a victim of her memory. It was most freeing.
Location
One of the greatest advantages of life coaching online is that you can choose someone you think will provide the right rapport to be the best coach to help you get the results you want.
The lack of concern about location is a real plus. For rural clients, it may mean you don’t have to see your cousin’s friend’s sister (unless she is a great match) if you don’t want. For big city clients, it may mean you don’t have to invest an afternoon each week of fighting traffic roundtrip, finding a place to park, sitting in a waiting room and investing 4 hours for a one hour appointment.
Instead you get your coffee ready, sit down at your laptop a few minutes before your appointment, in your fuzzy slippers if you want, and see our smiling faces on your screen. “What was great about your week?” or “What do you want to change about your life today?” And your coach could be 2000 miles away in a different time zone!
Now what?!
OK. You’ve decided you want to see a life coach. Wonderful!
You decided to keep an open mind about choosing a counselor and realize that location is not a critical element of your decision. Good idea!
Use your search engine and browse life coach choices. Many coaches provide an introductory session at low or no cost so you can both gauge whether you complement each other. Most will have bios included online as well. This will help you learn about special skills, length of experience, coaching style, etc. Valuable information in these biographies. You can often find out about session costs to help you make financial decisions.
In conclusion
If you have decided to talk to a life coach, I applaud you. Working through life’s obstacles is key to each of us reaching our most joyful potential and being the best version of ourselves we can be.
I hope you have found this post beneficial. If you have any questions about this post or finding yourself a coach, let me know - I’ll be happy to help. Email swieslifecoaching@gmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
If you’d like to make an appointment, please call/text the office 512-589-3422 or email swieslifecoaching@gmail.com